I am the mother of a little girl, and a little boy, both of whom were taken before they took a breath on earth. I have a Beagle called Arthur who tries his best to substitute, and a husband who must love me more than I can describe, (other than by saying that he cleans without me asking him to, and never, ever says anything mean to me).
My baby girl arrived at almost 19 weeks, and of course, did not survive. A year later, my baby boy – Freddie – arrived at almost 25 weeks. One week after the fluid that babies need so vitally, had left him, Freddie passed away, and was born not long afterwards. My love for them both will never wither. My very being is fractured by the loss of my babies. It is difficult to write and will be difficult for many of you to read. This is my narrative.
Monthly Archives: May 2011
I’m feeling pretty good today, all things considered. I saw an old friend at the weekend, whose perspective has been changed by the fact that two of his closest friends have lost babies, very close together. I also spent 24 … Continue reading
I’ve had my hair cut today. The last time I went was 6 months ago and I was pregnant. I hoped upon hope that the girl would not ask me about it, and thank God, she didn’t. I was so … Continue reading
May I take this opportunity to thank everyone for their continued support – each comment touches me deeply and it’s both comforting and sad to hear of people in the same situation. It will be 9 weeks tomorrow that Freddie … Continue reading
I’m feeling pretty rough today, and my eyelids are pink and look as though they are trying to slide down off my face. That’s what they look like when I’ve been crying a lot. When I was in hospital with … Continue reading
I’ve been to the gym today, thank goodness. I didn’t go again yesterday because I still felt all ‘snarly and tangled’. Yesterday I mostly wallowed by feeding my obsession with ‘Sookie Stackhouse’ novels to the point where I began to … Continue reading
I’m feeling a little more ‘knotty’ today than usual. By that I mean that that anxious sort of heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach that I get a lot won’t seem to go away at all. As soon … Continue reading
I’ve just got back from a week in Turkey with Sam. I booked it two days after I got out of hospital hoping that we would look forward to it and that it would do us good. And it did; … Continue reading