Energy.

I’m tired today.  I’ve slept badly the last few nights, probably because I’m hormonal.  And now my eyes are sore – my contact lenses end up feeling like they’re full of sand by the end of the day – I have a pretty bad headache, and my tummy isn’t happy at all.

Everything seems to take so much energy.  Never before have I had to pat myself on the back for achieving the simplest of things.  But everything just takes so much energy.  Walking the dog through the park full of babies and children and pushchairs takes energy.  Making dinner takes energy.  Doing the cleaning takes energy. Getting dressed takes energy.  Washing my hair takes so much energy.  Even driving the car takes energy, particularly when I have to sit and watch people walking past with their pushchairs and prams, and when I see the big round shades stuck to the inside of car windows, sometimes with some sort of cartoon figure emblazoned on it – ‘that’s there to protect the baby inside the car from the sun’, I think to myself – ‘I don’t need those’, I think, ‘because I don’t have a baby in my car’.

I’m still going to go to the gym today.  I’ll do cardio, and then my class, even though I really don’t feel like it, because I know I’d only end up regretting not going, and regret is a tiring emotion.

It’s all so tiring.

 

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Energy.

  1. Sue Thomas says:

    Hi abbie, as usual your blog is inspiring, upsetting and so close to the truth. Grief is very tiring its exhausting trying to keep going knowing you have to for so many reasons most of which seem unimportant at the time, mental tiredness is truely hard work as it doesn’t go away after a sleep. Be kind to yourself and as a health professional i’m truely appauled at your experience with midwives inexcusable!!!!

    • Abbie says:

      Thanks Sue. I’m sure you would know even more deeply than I do how tiring grief can be. And yes, I was pretty shocked at the carelessness of the midwife, although apart from that, I have to say that our care in the hospital (over both losses) was excellent, and most of the midwives and doctors were really lovely. Are you still thinking of starting a midwifery course? I think you’d be great 🙂 xx

Leave a Reply

Your e-mail address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.