I am the mother of a little girl, and a little boy, both of whom were taken before they took a breath on earth. I have a Beagle called Arthur who tries his best to substitute, and a husband who must love me more than I can describe, (other than by saying that he cleans without me asking him to, and never, ever says anything mean to me).
My baby girl arrived at almost 19 weeks, and of course, did not survive. A year later, my baby boy – Freddie – arrived at almost 25 weeks. One week after the fluid that babies need so vitally, had left him, Freddie passed away, and was born not long afterwards. My love for them both will never wither. My very being is fractured by the loss of my babies. It is difficult to write and will be difficult for many of you to read. This is my narrative.
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This morning when I woke up I thought it was still the weekend (probably because we’d been away for a night at a friend’s, which was great – we had a lot of fun playing on the Wii, I also … Continue reading
I feel a bit like a painting. As in, when you put a wash on to begin a watercolour, if it’s terrible, then it doesn’t matter what else you paint on top of it; that terrible base will always be … Continue reading
So, I still weigh exactly the same, to the ounce. I think that if I stopped going to the gym I would continue to weigh exactly the same. Which is exasperating in a way I can’t describe; when you’re doing … Continue reading
A man just knocked at the door to ask for money for charity. I humoured the beginning of his speech for all of 5 seconds before I told him to ‘cut the spiel’ and asked exactly what he was asking … Continue reading
I’d like to say thank you to those of you who keep reading and leaving comments, and who are supporting me and Sam from wherever you are. Even though sometimes my posts may seem as though I cannot see light … Continue reading
If anyone had told me that I would have all this free time on my hands when everything was ok, I’d have been stupefied with joy. But now that I have it, I am not joyous. I wondered whether I … Continue reading
I’m feeling pretty good today, all things considered. I saw an old friend at the weekend, whose perspective has been changed by the fact that two of his closest friends have lost babies, very close together. I also spent 24 … Continue reading
I’ve had my hair cut today. The last time I went was 6 months ago and I was pregnant. I hoped upon hope that the girl would not ask me about it, and thank God, she didn’t. I was so … Continue reading
May I take this opportunity to thank everyone for their continued support – each comment touches me deeply and it’s both comforting and sad to hear of people in the same situation. It will be 9 weeks tomorrow that Freddie … Continue reading